| end of lj |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|08:53 am] |
if you didn't already know, i just got a myspace, so anything i post will be there now.
www.myspace.com/cliffwastaken |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|05:39 pm] |
so the cleaning service for our apartment came in today, a middle aged hispanic couple, extremely nice.
first thing the lady says when she sees me is "oooh i shouldve invited my daugter to come, i keep telling her that there is always a cute, single guy in the apartment that we clean and that she needs to come see you"
now at first i was somewhat flattered, but then thought about how she automatically made the assumption that i was single, and commented on how i was always here - basically saying i have no life. it was the first "unintentionally back-handed hispanic cleaning lady" burn i had ever received.
and before you say "but her assumption was correct", you can just shut your face. |
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| change much? |
[Mar. 26th, 2006|10:23 pm] |
in the next month this is happening:
new job
new location
new apartment
new car (new is relative)
new cell phone
somewhat drastic. i need to remind myself that i'm not making real money yet.
yet. great word in this case. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2006|05:42 pm] |
my computer has been sucking hardcore recently. it mysteriously eats physical memory. i'll have 10MB of free space (yes i know its astronomically low), then five minutes later i check again and its down to 7. eventually it goes down too much and stuff starts to not work, so then i delete songs. what a horrible process. earlier today i was down to 4MB. i go to cash my paycheck, come back, and now i have 212MB. i'm so lost.
i'm getting a phone soon. i need advice. i want something for 45 a month or less, i dont need too many minutes. lend me your thoughts. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|05:09 am] |
ecstatic. nervous. elated. confused. nostalgiac. confident. sad. accomplished. incomplete. ready. unsure.
that probably covers about 10% of what i've felt in the past 12 hours. i wish i could pick one of those as the main thing i'm feeling, but it's impossible. if you haven't heard, my everlasting job search finally came to an end today. the job with accenture that i interviewed for only 5 days ago came to fruition. to tell the truth i'm shocked. i didn't think the interviews went THAT well, but i guess they like what they saw (and frankly, who doesn't when i'm around?). i don't know what my job description is exactly, i know it's got something to do with the technological side of consulting. i do know some of the goods, like pay, benefits, location (atlanta), start date (late april), new laptop!, etc. it is all way beyond what i have prayed for or could have imagined. but the first thing that came to mind when i heard i had the job, was helping my parents out. i think ever since i realized that a college degree would make me more money in a year than my parents collectively earned, by a long shot, i looked forward to the day when i could help them out financially. i am truly blessed. so don't think i'm wasting it all on booze. only half of it.
but i guess there are the hard things that follow as well. packing up, saying goodbye. it'll be tough. it's been an amazing 5 years in gainesville. i'm extremely happy that i have gotten to know so many people. some better than others, but i hope i can maintain relationships with most of you in the future. i'm not naive enough to think it will be the same as it is now, but i can still hope. and although i feel kind of bad about it, there's a certain satisfaction in knowing that some people will be truly sad to see me go. not trying to be a jerk, but i think seeing that you have left your mark, that you have really affected somebody in an irreversible manner - well, i guess its just the joy of feeling wanted. kind of like being able to watch people mourn at your own funeral. except a lot less morbid. and no limos. but i'm not that selfish - just know that for everyone feeling something remotely similar to remorse to see me go - there is a mutual sadness on my part to leave you. and sorry if this is pitifully depressing, eloquence is escaping me at 5am.
i am ready to leave for the most part though. there was stress from multiple parts of my life building up, and the second i heard the job offer, 95% of it left me. i was not prepared to re-start the job search.
so the next month will be hard, but necessary. if you want to hear more about the job, about me, about the future of the stanza, about how atlanta is preparing to handle me, about how i still can't stand twins that wear identical outfits, or anything else - i'm open for business. it's been a good run.
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” |
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| part dos |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|10:54 pm] |
i believe there is always enough toothpaste in the tube for one more brush
i believe i watched napoleon dynamite so many times the first month it was out that i won't think it's funny again until 2030
i believe i can reach my yearly allotment of cussing within 18 holes of golf
i believe that the 4 year old version of myself with a new york accent could woo any female. he would be gettin major play. what happened to him?
i believe i should get royalties every time someone does an 'i believe' entry
i believe its almost worth getting an injury just so you can talk about it after the fact like you are a badass
i believe calling something gay is still funny
i believe i've used the possibility of me moving soon way too much as an excuse not to get involved, and i regret it. grow a pair.
i believe having a 9GB hard drive is extremely frustrating, but my laziness to upgrade overcomes that
i believe the stanza has had one legitimate oil change in 3 years
i believe the golf clubs in the back seat of the stanza are safe, because anyone thinking of stealing them would just look at my car and assume that the clubs are POS's as well (or is it P'sOS??)
i believe my robot 'coulda been a contender'
i believe it's necessary for a male to experience chest-painting at a football game at least once in his lifetime
i believe vegetable platters and cheese/cracker platters are way too addicting
i believe the past year has taught me to take some chances
i believe there is some magical force present that allows more tuna to come out of a can than physically possible
i believe stealing 20 wet floor signs my freshman year was the most unnecessary thing i have ever done -- but the 8 foot tower of trilingual, yellow signage was one hell of a conversation piece.
i believe having one person you can tell anything is more beneficial than having 5 people you can tell most things
i believe it was stupid to get a sunburn right before the biggest interview of my life.
i believe i am constantly being punished for past indecision
i believe my back to back to back supervisor of the months will never be matched
i believe i'm not a player, but i crush moderately
i believe putting periods in between words is the. best. form. of. emphasizing.
i believe i have way too many daydreams where i am beating. the. hell. out. of. somebody.
i believe most hooter's girls are not that attractive
i believe brendan and i were justified when we switched tables just to get one that was.
i wish i believed more |
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| food |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|07:44 pm] |
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so i know you're not supposed to go food shopping when you're hungry, but i just realized that being thirsty is just as bad, if not worse. i came home from kash n' karry today with 2 gallons of milk, a gallon of sweet tea, a half gallon of some strawberry breeze drink that looked too good to pass up, 4 of those breakfast smoothie things, a 12-pack of yoohoo, and an 18-pack of michelob light. what the hell? there's not even anybody else living here for the next week - this was all for me! but luckily i got some food too. i was going to get like a half pound of turkey, but it was like buy one get one free, so i decided to get a pound, but i guess there was some miscommunication cause i ended up with TWO POUNDS of turkey. fantastic. but i'm turning this into motivation: i WILL gain 5 pounds this week. anti-dieting, i love it. off to force-feed myself turkey. |
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| memories |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|05:47 am] |
so there's nobody here (at the apt) for the next week pretty much. should be cool to have the place to myself. right now i'm up late, no surprise. i decided to look at some of my journals that i was forced to keep when i was little. i only got through one so far, but it was extremely entertaining. it was the one i had to keep during 1st grade in '89-'90, and by the looks of it we wrote in it once a week. not much was expected, as you'll soon see. and let me just say that i don't know what the writing level of a 1st grader is, but even i can't comprehend how phenomenally stupid some of my spelling was. oh and i'm even posting the entries that point to me being homosexual back then, i'm not holding anything back. the words and thoughts in this post are not necessarily affiliated with my current, 100% not-gay self.
i was only gonna post a few, but hell - here's the whole journal. each line is written on its own page. just the sheer randomness of the first 5 statements is grossly entertaining:
i lost 7 teth. i go to a fair every year.
i roden elefant. hot september.
i had a fire.
taer is a hurricane coming.
today is the 4 of fall.
i like school.
i like gym.
i like soccer.
i like reces.
i like blue.
i like ranbos.
i like books.
i like frense.
i like nachr.
i like.
i like my huose.
i lost 8 teth.
i love my mom and dad.
i like snow.
i like art.
i like my class.
i like toys.
i like my techr.
i like dogs.
i like to play.
i like boys.
i like to have fun.
i like music.
i like games.
i like homewerk.
i like librere.
i like ice crime.
i like cats.
i wont too go to disney world.
i want nintendo.
i like my bick.
i like the park.
i like holedays.
i like math.
i like macing stuff.
i am 7.
on christmas i got a rascar.
i can tell time.
i got four snoopy pentssels for christmas
the girls keep on chasing me and taylor.
i like to rite stories.
i like multiplication.
i am the best reader in my class and i can read a hoel book.
i like musims because i like to look at the animalse.
i went to my grandmos house and i got four movise. batman mr. mom loking for santa close puff the magic dragon.
brian is scard of me and taylor because we alwas tri to hert him.
on monday i went to the dentist and i got a stiker.
i hait jernils.
i like colors because they ar prity.
i like my turbo hoper because it can jup over a 4 inch rock.
evry sunday i wach amaricas funnyist home vitoes.
in 12 more days it is going to be Ester?
when i was sick on monday i drow a easter bunny for my dad.
i am going to cap cod for vacashen.
i like myself.
i got a magic set and it has 50 trikes in it.
today at lunch i had 3 litel bronies and a loliepop!
today it was rally hot.
today when we went outside there wer lots of bee's.
i like ninja turtles.
today i am 7 1/2.
i lost 8 teeth and almost on my 9.
yesterday i went to a frhunarel.
i hait new kids on the block.
today we played soccer and it was a tyi score.
today we played soccer and people got hert so we could-int finesh the rest.
yeah. there it is. nachr? pentssels? struggling for sure. tons of stuff to make fun of (liking boys, pretty colors, etc), but i like to look at the good stuff - what made me who i am today: i was hurting people, girls were chasing me, and i hated new kids on the block. thanks for laying the foundation, 7 year old cliff. rock on. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2006|05:20 pm] |
i believe sports are inspirational
i believe crossfire, mouse trap, kerplunk and fireball island are the best games in history
i believe in denny's meat-lover's skillet
i believe gainesville is the best college town in the country
i believe in waking up early to be productive, i just don't do it
i believe in the now extinct 99 cent whopper and chalupa
i believe jagermeister tastes good enough not to need red bull
i believe more pictures/videos should be taken at all times, just not by me
i believe large revolving doors require me to travel at least 720 degrees before exiting
i believe being in a taxi is a harrowing experience
i believe eggs were meant to be scrambled
i believe kissing is addicting
i believe in the dog. i do not believe in the cat.
i believe my mom is awesome
i believe nothing is more relaxing than walking on a beach at night
i believe i will have trouble ending this list
i believe im a little jealous that i won't be able to get a 5 year pin from regal
i believe sending something in the mail is way too complicated
i believe the people our complex hired to clean our bathrooms would not have shown up had they seen the wreckage first
i believe there are few things more funny than the overdramatization of infomercials
i believe i just found out that the pez factory is in the town my grandparents used to live
i believe people use divorce as an easy out
i believe i will always be the last man standing in dodgeball
i believe the stick of a lollipop is more entertaining than the candy
i believe holding a girl makes everything else drift away
i believe snow is the best substance on earth
i believe you haven't lived until you've been to the Swamp during a rivalry game
i believe i got the wrong degree, but i'm stronger because of it
i believe white pages > yellow pages
i believe any company that gives me an expense account is doomed to fail
i believe sheets are annoying. all you need is the fitted one and a blanket
i believe downloading music is illegal. and impossible to stop, so screw it
i believe i bought way too many glow in the dark things right before college
i believe the white undershirt is a crucial part of the male wardrobe
i believe in bebop and rocksteady
i believe the stanza's treble to bass ratio is greater than any other vehicle
i believe i could do this for hours, and that you should comment and then make your own |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|04:10 am] |
well i got nothin to do, its 4:15am, so i'll write and see what comes. probably more soul-searching - just a heads-up. its consuming me lately. but first, it looks like any st. patrick's day celebration will occur sans myself. accenture is pretty much forcing me to come visit their atlanta office on the 17th. i am extremely excited about this opportunity, because the job would give me so many more locations to possibly work, not just DC or new jersey, as is the case with high performance technologies. my biggest fear, and i guess its a good one to have, is that hpti will give me an offer before i can finish out my interviews with accenture. i try not to stress over it because assuming a job offer is a pretty big leap of faith, but i can't help it. we'll see what happens. i am looking forward to atlanta either way though, don't get to see 'old' friends that often.
this whole process is some huge tug of war though. (oh heres where i get deep) i'd like nothing more than to be able to take hold of my future, to figure out what i'm doing with the rest of my life, where i'll be, who i'll be around. i need to hold my head high, and aim for success. not forget my roots, not forget how i got here. but part of that requires a certain level of abandonment of the past, and im learning its one of the hardest things to do, ever. i'm not exactly comfortable with where i am now, but there are things in my life i do not want to have to let go of - things that MUST be let go of eventually. i'll miss this apartment. sean and i have spent almost 5 years now living together, thats a pretty big accomplishment. i'll miss the church that i don't go to enough. i'm sure a part of me will miss not knowing if my engine will make it 2 miles when its over 75 degrees out. believe it or not, even regal has become a huge comfort zone for me. yes i know it doesn't pay ass, compared to alternatives, but its not that difficult. i'm even to the point where people come to me with problems in certain areas, which is a good feeling. and i get to surround myself with people i enjoy. people who enjoy me, probably too much sometimes. what can i say, i'm addicting. ok enough gloating. but i guess that's the biggest fear. cutting ties (not totally, but to an extent obviously) with the people i've grown attached to, and having to find others to fill the holes. its a complex process. how long will it take for me to fit in somewhere, to find those who i can love, and who will love me in turn? love meaning different things in that statement. is it even a guarantee that it will happen? who am i to say that no matter where i possibly end up working/living, i will be able to construct that type of environment around me? seems like a lot of luck involved. i mean, i give myself as good a shot as anybody, i have a pretty high opinion of myself: i think i'm an intelligent guy, able to mesh well with most people i meet. not the most outgoing maybe, but friendly, mildly attractive, good sense of humor, degree in-hand. sorry for the autobiography. but just because i have those things doesn't make me destined to have what i think i deserve. there are plenty of smarter, funnier, more attractive people out there who might kill to be where i'm at now. perspective is what i need. i'm sure i'll be learning that soon enough, whether i like it or not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|04:08 pm] |
ah yes. back from the northern virginia area. i dont know if i feel like giving a play by play of my entire trip or not, but i'll throw in some highlights and see where it takes me. and yes, i will attempt to keep it to one paragraph. my flight to washington ended up getting delayed for about an hour after all was said and done, so me and brendan hit up the bar for some amberbock and a shot of tequila, the latter of which still gives me flashbacks. the flight ended up being alright, except i cant stand it when you end up on a small-ass plane where you actually have to walk outside in order to get on it. i do not deserve this. i sat next to some 80 year old woman who was reading a romance novel. it looked very romantic, if you are an 80 year old woman. so i just sat there and drank my 7up and ate my pretzel mix, and pretended that the stewardess was hot. the best part of the flight was when she was on the intercom system and instead of saying "when we land" she said "when we hit the ground". this was followed by nervous glances from the passengers and her stumbling over a retraction: "when we hit the ground. uh....LAND. when we land. we will be landing safely today, in washington. uh...." i enjoyed this. i thought about going nuts at this point, like pulling a warren from something about mary when you get too close to his ear. but no. so the plane lands, and again - we actually have to climb down the steps of the plane and walk to the gate. this time - it's a little worse, because its 35 degrees and i have khaki shorts and a uf t-shirt on. everyone else has 5 layers on. but i'm listening to my ipod (thank you), and pretending that i am some rock star, doing everything in my power to not shiver, as we walk about a quarter mile through some unheated outdoor corridor to the airport. finally we reach it, and i get my baggage, and instead of a guy with a limo and my name on a piece of cardboard, its me dragging my belongings off to the nearest taxi. followed by me trying to make conversation and the minority glaring at me in the rearview as the meter rocketed exponentially higher with each tenth of a mile traveled. but soon enough i was in my 'business executive king' hotel room, wondering how many prostitutes the bed would fit. i figured 8, if i slept on the floor. so i intended to get some studying/research done regarding the interview, but put it off while watching irobot, an nba game, and walking to get some dinner. finally at 1230 i opened up some job material to look over it, and BAM - a blank 8 page application i was supposed to fill out and give to them, which was given to me about 3 weeks ago. needless to say, though i will, my 1am self-imposed curfew crashed and burned. at 2am i set my two alarms for 7 and called for a wake-up call - no i was not paranoid. i then crawled into the massive bed and had to figure out how to sleep. it was as wide as my bed is long. but i got through it and woke up to two alarms and a wake-up call, imagine that. everything was going great, i was all packed up and dressed to impress, ready to go check out and grab a cab, and my eye catches something on the floor. cant be important, i think to myself, but i check it out anyway. oh its a button. oh it looks strikingly similar to the buttons on my suit, the suit i bought brand less than a week ago. oh look, there are threads sticking out of my suit where a button used to be. fantastic! things were starting off mind-numbingly well. i couldnt help but think this was some kind of sign that i should just pack it in and skip the interview. but i pressed on and worked on roughly 36 different ways to disguise the missing button the rest of the day. oh and if anyone knows how to sow, get in touch - i could use a favor. next its time for my cab ride to the site (high performance technologies, if you didnt know). it was only a couple minutes away, so the fare was like $7.30. i go to hand the guy with the turban my credit card, since i need receipts for reimbursement purposes, and he goes "SEVEN DOLLAR! YOU NO HAVE CASH FOR SEVEN DOLLAR!?" im like, relax osama, dont bomb my country over it, and get him some cash. once i get to the office, which is like the 11th floor of a pretty pimp office building, im handed an itinerary for the day. i notice six names, with six time slots. i then notice me slicing my wrists open so i dont have to deal with SIX FREAKING INTERVIEWS in the same day. i'll spare you most interview details, and just say that the first one kind of sucked, meaning i figured i was screwed the rest of the day, but the rest went extremely well. by the end of the day, i was playing the pipe and all the employees were following me, dancing through the streets of reston, virginia. maybe an overstatement, but it did go well. the one that didnt go that well was the most technical of all of them, which was what i figured going in. i should find out sometime next week if they want to move ahead with it. so i get back to jville - me, brendan, and jeff go out and celebrate with some screwdrivers and jager, eventually hit the hay, and i sleep deeper than i have in a year, due to the early wakeup and 3 hour airport wait. bribed my car this afternoon with some candy, and here i am. it was nice to get away.
edit: ok so that was pretty much exactly a play by play
quote of the trip:
"when i hear the word pubic....it turns me on."
"when i hear the word pubic, i think of my own pubic hair and immediately get turned off."
"thats weird, when i hear it, i think of your pubic hair too." |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|03:25 am] |
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so stressed. so tired. trying to do all this job/travel shit, but for some reason there's a sadness over it all, and part of it is totally unrelated. i wish i could put my finger on it. why does it feel like im in a relationship? when i get transfixed on something, my mind does not wander from it at all. and it is mentally taxing. and some of these thoughts are extremely random, im not trying to have everyone understand this, but i had to put something into words as an outlet. but theres one person i wish i could get to understand. enough for now, gotta try to focus on the here and now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|03:48 pm] |
well its been a good day. just got back from the accenture interview - the guy was cool as hell. the interview was supposed to be 20 mins, but i think it went for like 35 just because it went so well. i think the key was not having it be a programming-based interview, so i wasn't like stressed over possible questions - i just got to talk about things in general. i assume that's how business interviews normally are - they just seem much less intensive, kind of like the major (burn!). so the process was supposed to involved them calling me back tonight if they want another interview tomorrow, but the guy said since it went so well that i'd definitely get a call, and he even gave me some tips on how to prepare. why can't all interviewers be cool like that. 90% of them are stiffs. and then to top the afternoon off, i still had $5 left on my declining balance account, so i basically got a free lunch. and that is like my #1 pleasure in life (almost).
so now i gotta pick up the suit and go to work. not sure if i'll have plans later, but it's been a great day so far. |
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| callin men ladies, sorry doc but i been crazy |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|05:15 pm] |
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well i've been pretty much doing nothing all week, and all of a sudden it feels like there is way too much to do. laundry needs to get done, no question. tomorrow i have an interview with accenture on campus at 1. they said the interview will be about my background, and also my knowledge of accenture. do they want me to memorize facts or something? am i supposed to go on a golf outing with the ceo? whatever. then i have to go pick up my new suit before work, since i decided that my other suit is not worthy to travel to DC. in fact, i decided that i myself am not worthy to travel to DC, so i will be flying my new suit up and meeting it when it comes back. i also just realized that the second round of accenture intervies is THE DAY AFTER THE FIRST INTERVIEW. who does that? why dont we just have 9 interviews back to back, it'll be fun. we can pretend its like speed dating. i'll bring the nametags, you bring the bowl of punch. so assuming that happens, tuesday will include an interview, as well as me having to go into work at 9 for the RCM test, which kurt thinks i love doing for some reason. i still feel i have a lot of research, preparation, and studying to do to be ready for my REAL interview this week, i dont want to show up and not know my shit, especially after the fiasco that was trying to get travel plans in order. but it worked out, i get to fly outta jacksonville which means chillin with brendan, who will use his intricate knowledge of jacksonville geography, former taxi driver skills, and ability to weave through traffic while we blare rage against the machine to get me to and from the airport. well thats it for now, i would have kept going but in a rare turn of events, the shower that my roommate ryan always manages to procure 10 seconds before i need to use it for work happens to be available. |
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| i am a sheep... |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|04:02 am] |
this is so gay, but boredom leads me....
A - Age you got your first kiss: this psycho girl kissed me when i was 10, but it wasn't mutual til 17
B - Band listening to right now: killers
C - Crush: it happens
D - Dad's name: Carl
E - Easiest person to talk to: Brendan, sober or drunk
F - Favorite ice cream: mint choc. chip or some random cherry concoction
G - Gummy worms or gummy bears? worms by a long shot
H - Hometown: east hampton, ct - holler to the 203
I - Instruments: my mind, and the guitar someday
K - Kids: now? no. later? no more than two or someone will pay
L - Love: saying no whenever asked if i read some stupid book, sports, family traditions...back when they existed, not having classes and hearing other people tell me how awesome that must be, stability, change only after it becomes stable, doing anything in the snow...and rubbing those activities in peoples' faces who haven't, making up stories about my car...and having the real stories sound like they are made up anyway, minoring in math when it has no chance of doing me any good, this list could be infinite
M - Mom's name: Karen
N - Nicknames: oh god. well, no god is not one. cliffory, cliffo, cliff claven (kurt), cliffy, clifton, etc. if in doubt, go with the real thing.
O - One wish: find a job
P - Phobia[s]: not finding a job
Q - Quote: "It's not cheating if it's YOUR dog"
R - Reason to smile: I am loved by many, and it means more than they all think probably.
S - Song you sang last: probably some limp bizkit at work
T - Talents: making ladies swoon with just a look. and by swoon i mean continue to do whatever they were doing. but seriously: not making enemies, and growing on people.
U - Unknown fact about me: i slept over my friends house one night when i was 13, he lived down the street. i had forgotten to take out the garbage and knew my dad was gonna be pissed. so at 2am i ran back to my house and crept through the back yard to the garbage. my dog was sitting in the window and saw me - we stared at each other for like 5 seconds and thought we had an understanding. then she howled louder than she ever had before and my dad got up to see what was up. i sprinted back to my friends house and got yelled at the next day for not taking the garbage out.
W - Worst habit(s): complacency
X - X-rays you've had: dentist blah blah, knee, ankle, fingers
Y - Yummy food: stuffed crust pizza, grandma's unmatched veal cutlet
Z - Zodiac sign: saggihoweveritsspelt |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2006|04:43 am] |
4:45am and not tired. this is my life now. me and rohan are the only ones up, and i sent him a link for the greatest game online, curveball (url is http://www.2flashgames.com/f/f-178.htm if interested - and you are even if you dont know it yet). if anyone gets past level 9 you will have my utmost admiration, but you wont get past it because i am better than you and i havent.
so i have another phone interview later in the week, with High Performance Technologies, Inc. in DC. really i dont even know what i'm applying for, its listed as "various technical positions". if this means sitting around surfing the net and making up livejournal entries about my vehicular adventures, its mine - not an issue. unless we get into another hideous conference call interview, where ive got questions flying at me from 6 different people: "what year is your car?" "why does it only get 19 mpg?" "tell us about the ant infestation" "how has not having a/c for the past 6 years affected you emotionally?" "what was your reaction when your first car rolled through the mcdonalds parking lot by itself, hit a telephone pole, and crept out into traffic?", etc. one at a time is all i ask.
has anybody had that mountain dew blue stuff? blue rush or something like that. i got it at taco bell and it is disgusting. the remainder of it has been in my fridge for the past 48 hours and every time i open the door it stares menacingly at me, so i take a small sip and convulse for about 10 seconds before putting it back on the shelf. i fear that by pouring it down the drain i would be doing the sewer system a disservice.
for those i havent notified, my car insurance bill inexplicably dropped like $13 a month. just last year it dropped another $10. meaning that in 2009 geico will be paying me monthly just to drive my car. and frankly if its the same car - they should be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|04:27 am] |
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for the last ten hours i've looked at job openings, changed my resume around about 12 times, and manually formatted my transcript from a text file into a suitable acrobat reader format - which in itself took an hour and a half. keeping me alive has been 2 turkey sandwiches and 22 ounces of yoohoo (the 11 oz aluminum cans still baffle me to this day). worst case scenario, 9 companies call me by tomorrow afternoon and we work out a 6 figure deal. but i guess i can understand if it takes them til the end of the week. do not test me! i have assistant management experience! i could drive a dodge stratus in a few years even. |
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| just an ordinary trip to mcdonalds... |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|04:56 am] |
sorry - i was really, really bored.
so tonight i somehow put off eating for HOURS, and then at 2am it hits me that i haven't eaten and the only things in my cabinet are pasta sauce and a granola bar. as appetizing as that sounded, i decided on the good stuff: late night, greasy, cholesterol-ridden mcdonald's. just thinking about it made my arteries wince. so im off on a mission. i approach the golden arches with the anticipation of a 1st-grader on christmas morning (red-rider bb gun??) i see some tail lights from afar but the drive-thru line looks manageable. i accelerate. the stanza responds with a big "f you". i apologize. i flare out wide to make the perfect entrance into the line. i am cut off by a more-experienced, more cocaine-riddled fast-food loving version of myself. option b it is. i gun it to the side of the drive-thru line and circle the building. the rear axle falls off. i'm pushing 6 G's as i round curve 3 of the parking lot. the car is on one wheel. i grab a ceramic Hamburglar statue from the playplace and use it to steady the vehicle. the stanza flings its hood open hoping to impair my vision. i squeeze out the window and jump on the hood, surfing my way to nirvana. i cannot be stopped. I WILL NOT BE STOPPED. the stanza throws itself into park, sending me flying toward the serving window. while airborne i do a triple lutz-double toe loop and look hopefully to the judges: 5.6 5.6 5.3 4.9 and 5.2. the french judge thinks he's cool with his sub-5. i go after him but the stanza rams me into the bike rack, breaking my knee in 4 places and sending a rib through my esophagus. i wake up in a bloodied state, dazed. i slowly walk home, following the stanza - which leads me by 20 feet and blares "we are the champions" from its bass-less speakers. starving, i search a nearby drainage ditch and find a dead squirrel and half a bottle of diet dr. pepper. it doesnt taste like regular dr. pepper. i make it home and decide to write an hour-long post about my trek. i wake up in 5 hours and crave an egg mcmuffin. the hunt continues.... |
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| finally catching up with technology... |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|02:28 pm] |
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so i turned a corner today. after almost 5 years of struggling with contact information, i decided it was enough. i transferred all the phone numbers i had from my old cell phone (8 random slips of faded, folded, ink-stained paper disbursed throughout my wallet) to my new cell phone (1 piece of environmentally-friendly parchment in a static, easy-access wallet environment). i know, i know - big turning point in my life. it's nice to finally catch up with the times. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|09:40 am] |
so i just got done with my phone interview with northrop grumman. talk about dull. until you've done one of these you have no clue how hard it is to effectively communicate by speaker phone to four different people, all of whom are massive nerds. nobody had any semblance of a sense of humor, and in an atmosphere like this it made the tension rise tenfold. i dont know whats wrong with me, i feel so inadequate and uninterested in jobs in my field. i get excited whenever i get an interview, trying to see myself working for that company and how life would be different - then as soon as the interview is 5 minutes old i am left again wondering why i even bothered in the first place. hurray for more time in gainesville due to me being underqualified!
on a different note, whenever i talk to my mom these days she ends up bringing up some topic that im not exactly excited to talk about. a couple months ago it was whether or not she would give me her engagement ring to use if i ever wanted to use it. thats just creepy to me - i understand she is just trying to help me out financially if it ever came to that point, but using her ring sort of seems like the easy way out. and the fact that the ring is associated with a failed marriage is just another reason why i would tend to shy away from it. i love my mom, and appreciate the hell out of what she's gone through, but i think every guy wants to be able to put the time/effort/money into getting their own ring. but anyway the current topic she brought up is life insurance. i know, another party starter. im still confused about the whole thing but i guess she has a policy for me that shes been paying for but can no longer support. so she asked me if i could possibly pay it. its not a big deal - its only like $28 every couple months, but who wants to ever talk about life insurance? hey lets all pick out some coffins and flower arrangements while we're at it. oh whats that, you want me to get inside the coffin to see how it fits? fantastic. lets break out the shovels. just weird shit, thats all i can describe it as. and frankly i probably wasnt paying attention to what she was telling me - whos getting paid here? whos dying? is she getting money if i die? is my dog getting money if my mom dies? am i getting money if paris hilton dies? these questions need to be answered. |
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